Nyan's Birthright
by Reevee21
Summary: A "Nohrian" noble finds out her life is a lie, she is a dragon, armies are useful, kids are difficult, the Faceless are jerks, love is not impossible to influence, there was a third brother, and that siblings will always be clingy. Not necessarily in that order and with a fair amount of fighting and death in between, but all those points get to her...eventually...probably. FE Fates
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, everybody, my name is Reevee21! And I know JUST ABOUT NOTHING about Fire Emblem!**

 **When I say that, I mean that I'm one of those people who was alerted to this series' existence by Super Smash Bros. and took an interest in the rather pretty-looking males. I'm not usually one for serious games like this - and the fact that characters can die off permanently really worries me, I get really attached to my people...**

 **But I took a risk and tried their latest game anyway! And MAN, did _Fire Emblem: Fates_ not disappoint! The anti-disappoint levels were through the roof and off to Mars that day! ...did I just accidentally make a Marth joke -**

 **ANYWAY, to really _absorb the atmosphere into my existence,_ I picked a name not my own and chose a character design that probably wasn't the _closest_ to what I look like. These tiny differences, plus me experiencing the game for the first time, had me mentally novelizing the whole adventure down to what the characters were probably shouting at each other and at me, their slightly incompetent tactician.**

 **And what spawns from novelizing, kids? ...that's right! A novel!**

 **But lemme get a few things out of the way right here and right now.**

 **These characters are my interpretation of them.** **They are not as in-character as I could probably make them, but this is both my interpretation of the story and a more humorous look at it. ...as humorous as a war of pegasai and magic and animal-summoning and dragon people can be. I gave them several quirks based on how I see them, and some guys like the Nohrians might actually be a bit painful for you Nohr-siding folks...(why yes, I am very Hoshidian sided. What gave it away?)  
**

 **To sum it up, everyone can be made fun of here! Me, the Nohrians, the Hoshidians, the dragons, the fighters that look like eight year olds, the adults, the children, my soldiers, the enemy soldiers, EVERYONE! And I'm sorry if I put any of you off while I do this. I won't hit too low, I promise! Cross my heart and hope to be shot by those stinking surprise archers that are always in the far corners of the battlefield for stealth reasons. ...I hate those guys.**

 **I'm playing as a female avatar on Phoenix mode.** **Why yes, I am a coward! What gave it away? ...I can't help it I LOVE MY PEOPLE I DON'T WANNA WATCH THEM DIIIEEE DX  
And I do have something of a plot point for this. Don't worry. EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL -  
**

 ***My character dies***

 **\- CRUD, NEVERMIND, NOTHING IS UNDER CONTROL -**

 **Fire Emblem is owned by Intelligent Systems and Nintendo.** **I claim nothing of Fire Emblem except for a love of it and two of its games. I'll take half credit for the interpretation I have here, but everything else, DANG GIRL, THAT'S NINTENDO'S, DON'T GO PRAISING ME. All clear? All clear!**

 **ONWARD! To a version of Fates that I like to dub _Nyan's Birthright!_**

* * *

 _…_ _hello there._

 _I am surprised to find you here. Not many come this way; the shadows deter them. But I can see that you are particularly brave…you are a unique one, aren't you? Brave, or perhaps curious…or cocky…or bored. Most likely all of these traits._

 _You remind me of someone else I met…someone either brave, curious, cocky, or bored…or all four combined…her name was Nyan._

"Hm—! Oh hey! Did ya call?"

 _…_ _no, actually._

"Aw man."

 _…_ _sorry…?_

"Eh, it's okay. Who's your friend?"

 _This stranger?_

"Yea, them."

 _Someone either brave, curious, cocky, or bored._

"So they're not cowardly, dull, humble, or ever-involved? That's awesome! I hate people that are cowardly, dull, humble, or ever-involved. What be your name, stranger?"

 _I have a sneaking suspicion that they cannot speak with us._

"Ooo, a mute!"

 _That's not—_

"I LOVE mutes!"

 _They're probably not—_

"Nice ta meet you, mute! I like your eyes. They're very pretty. Like gems crammed into the front of your skull."

 _...ah, that's right…I've forgotten who I'm dealing with…stranger, this is the above-mentioned Nyan._

"Hallo. Captain Grammar over here is Neko! He's nice. He has pretty hair."

 _It is my pleasure. …I suppose you didn't just come this way to meet new people, however._

"Yea, they look bored already. …stop looking bored, mute!"

 _They're not mute, Nyan…you know what? For calling them that, I say we give them your story._

"That's a pretty big price to pay for calling a mute a mute, don't you think?"

 _*Shove*_

"Alright, alright! I like talking about myself anyway…!"

 _Nyan here visits me fairly often nowadays. But a few years ago, she couldn't…she was occupied by other things._

"Ya mean a war?"

 _It really was more than a war._

"Yea, I guess…it was also a very romantic adventure!"

 _I…suppose it was…I don't know why you choose to focus on that aspect…_

"Deep inside, I'm a teenage girl, Neko. ANYWAY! Wanna hear it in detail? You can always back out if you want. Or speak up. …but I guess you can't do that since you're a mute and all—you know what? I'm going to start, stop me if you want to speak up by, like, throwing a weapon at my face or something. I'll catch it, promise. Ready, Neko?"

 _I am set to intervene when necessary._

"AWRIGHT! I give you, young, pretty-eyed mute, the Birthright of Nyan! …that's an awesome name."

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

 _"_ _Our story starts about three years ago, where a younger, completely oblivious Nyan was about to go through the most stressful time of her day…WAKING UP."_

 _The horror._

"Time to wake up, Lady Nyan!"

"…*ssSNORE*…"

"Hey, wake up, Lady Nyan!"

"…*sssSSSNOOOOOOOOOORRRRE*…."

"…she isn't going to wake up, isn't she?" A chipper young maid with faded blue hair perked. Her skin was pale as ice. Her name was Flora.

"Nope," her pink-haired companion agreed. Her skin was also pale, but with a pleasant peachy sheen. Her name was Felicia.

"eyeryoneshaddup'mslerpin…" the girl in bed mumbled incoherently.

Four servants stood in the room. It was a good-sized room, a large wooden door to the east and a metal-framed window to the west. It was decorated with purple and dark wood furnishings, such as a large, soft rug in the center and a bed with an awkward bulge under its blankets.

"…GIRLS," an older, purple-haired, scar-nosed man barked. " _You know what to do._ "

"Yes, Gunter!" Flora and Felicia chirped as one.

The two maids came to the edge of the bed, laid their hands upon the lump in the sheets that was their lady…

"Clear!"

…and gave her a very sharp, very cold burst of frost magic.

"SWEET BEAVUS!" Lady Nyan yelped as she shot up in bed. She was a young woman of eighteen with wavy, cream-brown hair that reached her chin and a smidge pale complexion; her build was lean, her canines were sharp, and her eyes were a rather odd shade of red. Kind of screams "dragon", doesn't it…? …no…she's a bit too short to be any kind of "dragon" material.

"Patient is responsive!" Flora and Felicia agreed. "Desynchronizing! Thank you for using Maid Awakeners, copyright~!"

She stared wide-eyed at the maids. "Guys… _why?_ "

"Training, Lady Nyan," a man to the side brought up. He stood straight and stiff, his white hair braided tightly down his back, framing a long face with a tranquil smile. He dressed properly, spoke politely, and also had a well-used iron dagger sheathed at his side. "I have taken the liberty of readying your armor, pounding out the dents and such…"

"Stupid Xander."

"His training method is indeed difficult."

"WHAT did you just call Lord Xander?!" the older man known as Gunter snapped.

"UH I mean _yea, training with Xander_! So much fun and stuff!" Nyan glanced out her room's window. "…at like six AM! On a Monday! The best time to wake up! …hey Jakob, am I using sarcasm right?"

"Properly, but it could use a little bit of work, my lady," the man nodded.

Gunter shot him a glare. "DON'T encourage her! She uses it about as well as she uses CLUBS! She's TEEERRIBLE at CLUBS!"

"Hey, that rack was _meant_ to be broken!"

"It really WASN'T, Lady Nyan," Gunter deadpanned. "Now get your SCRAWNY GIRLY ARSE ready for TRAINING! Xander awaits on the roof!"

"Why the roof?" she perked, her eyes narrowing.

"…I DON'T KNOW! Get ready."

Gunter left the room, leaving the lady with her servants.

"Peh. Grouch," Nyan muttered, sliding out of bed. "…aw man! Now my feet are colder than my side…! Who's idea was it to build a castle made of stone in perpetually-winter woods, anyway?"

"You really should stop questioning these things, nothing good comes of it," Jakob mentioned, opening the room's closet to reveal a set of white armor.

"What, logic?"

"Yes, logic."

"Why not question it?"

"Because that's how we are here in Nohr, my lady."

"Ugh…I don't like Nohr…perpetual darkness, rules against questioning logic, cold stone floors because we have stone castles in perpetually-winter woods…" she grumbled, shuffling out of bed and to the closet.

"That's pretty much just here, lady Nyan!" Flora perked.

"Yes!" Felicia agreed. "The rest of Nohr rivals Hoshido in beauty!"

"Hoshido," Nyan hummed. "Kind of reminds me of the dream I had last night! …because it was about Hoshido."

"Oh?"

"Yea, there was this big grassy battlefield and Xander and some guy in red were fighting then Camellia and Leo and Elise were there, along with some redheads, I dunno," she rambled. "There was a lot of tension at the end. Something about choosing a side. I didn't pay enough attention. ...but I should probably stop eating raw pig meat before bed."

"You would have picked Nohr's side, anyways," Flora shrugged.

"Yea, nobody sides with Hoshidians."

"DID SOMEONE SAY _'HOSHIDIANS'?!"_ Gunter's voice boomed.

"You've done it now, Felicia!" Flora yelped.

"Did what? Did what?!" Felicia shrieked, panicked.

Jakob whipped around. "Run. Run and don't look back. _Run, Felicia. RUN," he_ commanded, looking panicked himself.

Felicia ran to the window, shoved it open, and jumped out. Jakob slid over to Nyan, took her by the shoulders, and pulled her out of the center of the room. Flora screamed to Felicia the warranty of the Maid Awakeners, copyright.

Not a few seconds later, an angry mob of twenty-five or so Nohr soldiers lead by Gunter broke down the door, stampeded through the room, and crashed through the window after her. War cries followed them down.

After the dust had settled, Nyan and Jakob stood in a half-wrecked bedroom, Nyan pressing her lips together, Jakob looking tired; Flora was collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

"Goodbye, Felicia," Jakob stated.

"…I hate Nohr," Nyan mentioned.

"We all do," Jakob agreed.

* * *

 _ **N**_

* * *

Fifteen minutes and a brutal maid murder later, Nyan stood upon the roof of the winter castle.

She was garbed in her white armor, which gleamed in the morning sun; it fit her body perfectly, from her ankles to her collarbone, sporting dark gray accents and hints of gold on the edges. Bits of black clothing could be seen in its empty spots, and a royal blue cape was fastened overtop it with a gold brooch. She wore absolutely nothing over her feet and held a somewhat oversized sword in hand.

And she would have totally rocked the whole look had she not posed and screamed "COME AT ME, BRO!" to her opponent. She lifted the sword and held it at an angle near her head like it was a lance.

"Why do you insist on shouting that childish call?" the man on horseback deadpanned. He wore black and purple armor, with long, blonde, wavy hair; his jawline was sharp and his eyes were sharper.

"Because you ma bro, Xand! SO COME AT ME, BRO!" Nyan called.

"My name is Xander."

"I know bro! Fight me for it, bro! BRO! BROOOO—"

CLANG! CLASH! WHAP! CLANG!

"—OOOOO you're good Xander."

Nyan was now sprawled on the ground, any chance at being majestic lost to the cold winter wind as her limbs were spread at all angles.

"Giving up so son, Nyan? I expect more of you," Xander chuffed. "You are a princess of Nohr! Pick up your sword and try again."

"I don't want to."

"…what?"

"Meh," Nyan shrugged, staring up at the sky. "It's cold and I'm cold and I just realized how nice the sky looks…and I hate fighting you in the morning in general."

"If you don't fight me right now you're never leaving this fortress."

"…never?"

"Never."

"But…I wanna leave the fortress," she murmured, sitting up and staring up at her brother like a dog to a possibly sympathetic human. Her red eyes were wide and shining.

"You won't until you fight me," he stated. "If you would see the outside world beyond the view from your window, defeat me. Prove that all of the time I've devoted to training you has not been in vain!"

"OKAY BRO."

"And stop calling me 'bro'! Now, the first move is yours, Nyan. Come at me when you are ready."

Nyan got to her bare feet, picked up her sword, and glared up at Xander. She gained a small grin one of her canines popping over her lip. The rising sun watched them both. The cold wind carried the scent of their determination.

"…imma wreck you, bro."

"I am not your 'bro', I am your brother. Two syllables. Bro-ther."

"Okay bro."

"I am not—!"

Nyan rushed at him with a battle cry of "I'M COMMIN' AT YOU BROOO!". She swung the sword fiercly but could only manage to hit Xander's mount and his legs in her attacks.

He scoffed and swatted her away with the flat of his sword, sending her flying a good few tiles back.

"OW! Ow…why the heck do you have a horse in this fight, anyway…? How'd you get it up here…?!"

"Nevermind that," he stated. "..hmm, looks like that wound needs attention. In that case…"

Xander lead his horse to a certain spot on the roof. This spot bore a green glow on the floor, strands of loosely-weaved light trailing from it.

Stepping on it sent a calm, piano-note-like chime through the air. A patch of white light raced across the ground and appeared near Nyan.

"Cool, a dragon vein!" Nyan chirped, scrambling to the light. Her bruises glowed and mended themselves.

"Yes. You should have sensed it as well. The blood of dragons flows in your veins, as it does in all royals. You must learn to harness this draconic power wherever you may—"

"LET YOUR GUARD DOWN BRO IMMA BEAT YOU NOW!"

"DRAGON DAM IT, NYAN!"

Nyan leapt off the ground and, instead of using the decently sharp sword in her hand, lashed out with her foot.

WHACK!

Xander was sent off his mouth with the kick to the jaw. "Ugh—! You and your bare feet…!"

"What can I say man, I HATE SHOES!" Nyan squawked, springing off Xander's horse and swinging down her sword. "HaaAAAAAA!"

The sword stabbed right next to Xander's side, barely missing his chest. He looked up with slight surprise.

"...I totally meant to hit there!" she stated. "But hey, you know what else I hate? Clunky armor! And horse-mounted fighters! And fat swords! And—…you're actually really short when you're not on a horse."

"Sh—shut up! I am not short! I..." Xander pressed his hand to his temple and took a deep, long breath. "…you know what? That's enough training for today."

"Oh, really? Awesome!"

* * *

 _ **N**_

* * *

"Well done, Nyan. You're getting stronger…and harder to manage…every day."

"Thanks, Xander!" Nyan chirped, smiling at him. "I couldn't have done it without your ridiculously one-sided fights and awkward training schedule that I hate!"

The pair of siblings stood off from where they had been training, Xander off his horse, Nyan with her arms against her sides. Xander's horse stood a safe distance away, eyeing Nyan cautiously.

"I disagree. Training at six AM on a rooftop is the only way to go," Xander stated. "But I do believe you have natural talent. Someday, you could be the greatest warrior in all of Nohr. If you could focus for more than five freaking minutes on going for it.

"Oh stop it, you," Nyan said, pawing a hand at him. "…also I'm more of a pacifist."

"No you're not."

"Okay yea but when it comes to it I'm not killing anybody. It's nasty and mean."

"Typical," a third voice chuffed from the other side of the roof. "You know that true strength is more than simple swordplay, right?"

"HEY LEO!" Nyan shouted.

A young man with platinum blonde hair approached the two. He was a bit shorter than Xander and a bit scrawnier than Nyan; his eyes were dark and gleamed with an equally dark sort of knowledge, however. He wore an odd set of gold-decorated dark armor, complete with a metal skirt and ridiculously tall collar.

"Calm yourself, little brother. You really are competitive to a fault," Xander huffed. "As I've always said, you're a talented mage with formidable magical abilities."

"Hmm," Leo hummed flatly. "Well, just remember that pointy metal sticks are not the only path to power."

The three stood in silence for a bit. Nyan stared intently at Leo's neck and refused to meet his eyes.

"… _what?"_ he finally snapped at her.

"You've got an inside-out collar there, broseph," she mentioned, pointing to it.

"What?!" he yelped.

"It would appear someone got dressed while half asleep…fancy boy," Xander stated, smirking.

"MY STYLE OF DRESS IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN! SHUT UP!" Leo shouted on his way to the closest mirror.

"HAHAHAHAHA…aaah, haha…when's he gonna grow out of that stage?" Nyan perked.

"When the boy feels like it," Xander shrugged.

"Ah, good."

A pair of girls came up the stairs; one young and short, with long blonde hair wrapped in two knee-length pigtails; the other older and taller, with curled purple hair and a very generous bust. …very generous.

"Are you alright, Nyan? Did you get hurt at all during practice?" the older girl purred, smiling softly.

"Nah I'm fine sis—"

"If you did, let me know right away so I can take extra-special care of you…"

"Uh—"

"Extra-special care…"

"Camilla I'm oka—"

" _Extra-special care…"_ she whispered, coming into uncomfortably close proximity to Nyan. She looked with soft, warm eyes at the young girl, who squirmed and considered following Felicia's way of escaping nearby Nohrians.

"I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU TOO, NYAN!" the younger girl squawked, pulling Nyan to her and clutching her hands tightly.

"I know you were Elise—"

"That's why I visited!"

"Yea uh—"

"Heehee! Do you like it when I visit?"

"Uh—"

"Do you?!"

"Wh—"

"NOTICE ME SENPAI!"

"OF COURSE!" Nyan yelped. "I'm pretty much condemned here for no well-explained reason, so visitors like you guys, ma sissies and bros, are awesome! And stuff!"

"Yaaay!" Elise laughed shrilly. "I'm glad to hear that! Spending time with the only sibling that every notices me makes me so happy! SPIN ME SENPAI" She threw herself onto Nyan, Nyan compromising by spinning her.

"Hahahahathefeelingisn'tmutualhaha!" Nyan laughed, smiling awkwardly as Elise spewed things about loving her.

"Elise, when do you intend to behave like the adult that you technically are?" Leo groaned, frowning at the scene.

"Well, I for one think her cheer is a good complement to this _gloomy_ kingdom, Leo," Camilla hummed.

"Yes—"

"Gloomy…"

"Uh—"

"Ever so _gloomy…_ such a dark and mysterious place…" she murmured, leaning in on Leo.

Leo blushed richly at the sight almost right in front of his eyes. "She'smysistershe'smysistershe'smysistershe'smysistershe'smysister…"

Nyan finally got the chance set Elise down, who stuck to her side like a barnacle on a rock. "Uh…well said, Camilla! Every one of you is… _so_ dear to me, and I don't mind being stuck in a winter castle in the middle of butt-duck nowhere when I get visits from all of you! I haven't thought of jumping over the wall at all! Certainly not every time I see you guys!"

"We are grateful to have you as well. But, Nyan, I have some—"

Camilla shoved into Xander. He glanced away with a blush just as thick as Leo's.

"Oh, let me tell her, Xander!" she gasped. "We have wonderful news, Nyan! Father asked us to take you back to the capital!"

Nyan gasped loudly. "Does that mean…?!"

"Yes. It means you can finally leave this d _rafty_ fortress. You must have been so lonely all this time, separated from the rest of the world…! It gives me shivers to think about…" Camilla purred.

"Isn't that WONDERFUL?! You can be with me forever! FOREVER!" Elise laughed.

Nyan stared blankly.

"…Nyan?"

"..."

"Nyan, dear?"

 _I…I can leave. I won't be stuck to this castle anymore. I can get away from this place. Feel light and warmth and joy._

"Sister?"

 _I can meet other people besides the servants and my sisters._

"…sis—"

 _I can potentially meet some pretty boys._ "I…I…! MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! I'M GETTING AWAY! YES! YEEEEESS! _YEEEEESSSSS!_ " Nyan screamed, throwing her fists into the air and running right through her siblings. She kept running across the roof, feeling the wind in her face, laughing the whole time and leaving her bewildered siblings behind. "YYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!"

In fact, she went running all the way downstairs, completely ignoring their questioning gazes.

"…I thought she had more class," Leo stated.

"Well, she is very happy to leave here…" Camilla hummed.

"I…suppose," Xander muttered.

"Soooo happy…"

"…uh…"

"So very, very happy…"

"Camilla if you don't mind—"

" _Make out with me, Xander."_

"EVERYBODY NOTICE ME!" Elise shouted.

* * *

 _ **N**_

* * *

The four siblings waited in the main hall for Nyan to return, as advised by a maid who knew the girl's "run everywhere when excited then return to the hall to survey the damage" routine. Eventually, Nyan came limping in, a maid at her side.

The maid herself was slightly dusty, a few strands of hay sticking out from her bonet; she bore a long length of beautiful, braided, ocean blue hair that faded to a rich red at the end over her shoulder. She was a bit short, a bit pale, and had a red mark in the center of her face. Perfectly normal maid. Normal. _Completely normal. NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE—_

"Nyan, what did you do?" Xander grumbled.

"Oh hi bro! I did a twirl in one of the tiny hallways without realizing my heel was both unguarded and about to hit stone," Nyan laughed. "And now I have a sprained ankle. It's really painfu—"

Xander made a pained cutting motion to his neck as Camilla, who was still stuck to his arm, perked up.

"—I MEAN it's not painful at all and I don't need ANY extra-special care. Lilith here has me covered," she coughed. "…also her chest doesn't swallow me whole when she helps me out."

"You and your quips, Nyan," Lilith said, smiling softly. "Well…I hear you can finally leave the fortress."

"Where did you hear?" Leo huffed.

"From her joyous screams of praising the dusk dragon before her foot made contact with the wall."

"HAHA! Joyous. That's a fun word," Nyan chirped.

"…did her head make contact with that wall at any point?" Leo grumbled.

"Gunter has asked me to go with you to the capital so I can look after your horses," Lilith explained.

"Awesome!" Nyan cheered.

"Yes, I know!" Lilith giggled.

The pair laughed awkwardly for a bit before Nyan leaned into her support and whispered. "…Lilith, I am so glad, I don't think I can handle both Camilla and Elise without an emergency distraction. I owe you one pearl-girl."

"I've got you covered fang-girl," Lilith whispered back, a knowing gleam in her eye.

"What was that?" Xander questioned.

"Nothing," they simultaneously said.

"…alright then. Lilith, are the horses ready?" Xander huffed, stepping to the girl. He was, surprisingly, only a bit taller than her. Not so high and mighty without a horse.

"Yes, milord. Everything is ready and the horses seem excited for the trip. They are all very fond of Lady Nyan. Probably from all her time in the stables…" Lilith hushed.

"NYAN! I thought you had class! What kind of noble spends time in stables?" Leo growled.

"LEO! I thought you were a dude! What kind of dude wears a skirt made of metal armor all the time?!" Nyan shouted back.

"…HOW I DRESS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"Our Nyan does love animals. Such a kindhearted, sweet, young soul…" Camilla swooned. "Why, she even nursed an injured baby bird back to health one time…!"

Lilith flinched.

"Who had its wings torn to shreds and bites all over its soft little body…!"

Lilith cringed.

"And the stink of fox saturated into its feathers, as it cried out in weak, tiered shrieks, blood pooling around it—"

"Let's stop talking about the baby bird that nearly died," Lilith stated.

"If you insist…and you do _insist…"_

Suddenly, Elise popped up between Nyan and Lilith. "HEY LILITH! I bet you're sad 'cause you won't have Nyan all to yourself anymore. You've always been especially fond of our sister, haven't you, Lilith?"

"I, er—"

"Haven't you?"

"Er—"

"HAVEN'T YOU YOU LITTLE SENPAI-STEALING BAKA?! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY SENPAI! BAKA! BAKAAAA!" Elise snarled, suctioning to Nyan's side and giving Lilith a toothy frown.

The maid backed up, her hands in the air. Nyan stared blankly with pursed lips.

"As GRIPPING as this all is," Xander growled, shaking his generous sister off his shoulder, "we should be on our way. We mustn't keep father waiting."

"Is 'mustn't' a word?"

"Shut up, Nyan."

"Alright, bro, jeez! Anyway, let's head off! ~OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE PERPETUALLY-WINTER WOODS, TO THE MAIN CAPITAL WE GOOO~!" Nyan sang, throwing Elise off and skipping towards the front of the fortress. A bit awkwardly. But very happily.

Gunter stomped in, his sword smelling of blood. He overshadowed Flora and Jakob, who stood behind him with meek smiles and a barely noticeable sheen of nervous sweat. "FLORA!" he barked. "You and _Felicia's corpse_ will remain here to watch over the fortress. Jakob and I will ACCOMPANY Lady Nyan! We may be gone for some time. TAKE GOOD CARE OF THIS PLACE."

"Yes sir," Flora bowed.

"NO _HOSHIDIANS."_

"Y-yes sir."

"And clean up Felicia, will you?!"

"Yes…sir…"

"Ooo, wait, Jakob's coming?" Nyan chirped, leaning back into the conversation.

"Yes, he's your butler, of course he is," Gunter growled.

Nyan smiled, a gleam in her eyes. _Thank dusk dragon! The only Nohrian I can share thoughts about Hoshidians with! All the others just want to attack me._

Jakob bore a similar expression. _Thank dusk dragon…! The only Nohrian noble that sees me as more than a laboring machine! …also the only one that will eat raw meat without a second thought. …there's something off about that girl…_

"Awesome! NOW, ONWARDS! We ride in five minutes!" Nyan declared as the group headed towards the door.

"I get shotgun!" Leo claimed.

"I'm riding next to Nyan!" Elise demanded.

"No fair, that's _my_ claim," Camilla groaned.

"You'll choke her with your existence! SENPAI IS MINE!" Elise snarled.

"Will ALL OF YOU please SHUT UP?!" Xander shouted.

"As soon as you get a couple inches, 'big' brother!" Leo laughed.

"You laugh now Leo, but you'll be twenty five and half a foot too short too, and who will be laughing then?! ...nobody, that's who! Because of these damed genetics!"

As they bickered, Jakob and Lilith slipped to Nyan's side.

"I'm backing you up, fang-girl," Lilith whispered. "Elise scared me once, I won't allow it again."

"Never fear, my lady, for if Camilla attempts to suffocate you, I will not hesitate to split you two apart," Jakob added.

"Thank you _so much_ you guys oh my gosh I can't live without either of you," Nyan gasped, glancing between them with wide, slightly scared eyes. "I don't even know how I'm related to those clingy, tall, blonde-and-one-purple-haired, busty, muscular suckers."

And then a thought crossed her mind.

Jakob and Lilith spotted it before Nyan herself could speak it. They kept near her with building worry as she eventually stopped walking and let the other Nohr royals walked by. Gunter shot the trio a confused look but kept going.

 _Oh no, she's noticed that oddity as well,_ they thought simultaneously.

Eventually, Nyan spoke the largest logic question of the day.

"…how am I, a cream-brunette-ish, red-eyed, just about figureless, lean, kinda short girl related to any blonde, tall, busty, muscular, or purple-haired people?"

"…well—…uh—" Jakob stuttered.

"Nyan, just because you don't look…remotely like them at all…and don't act like them…and don't fight like them…and hate darkness…doesn't mean…well, er…" Lilith mumbled.

Nyan stared blankly. She frowned. Then she frowned deeply, pursed her lip, and lowered her eyes. "Something ain't right here."

"Perhaps you had a different mother…? That is what I always figured, anyways," Jakob mentioned.

"I guess…but still…" she hummed. Her smile returned as soon as it had left. "You know what? I'm gonna let it fly for now! I'm leaving this castle, and nothing outside maybe the start of a war can ruin it! Let's go, men and women!"

"There's just one man and one woman with you, Nyan."

"LET'S GO!"

* * *

 _ **N**_

* * *

"And then my entire life was torn apart at the seams."

 _I don't think it was so drastic, Nyan._

"Eh. It was close. Destiny started tearing it apart at the seams. Like a couple fat cuts of cake to a particularly tight-fitting dress. But ya know what? Cake is good for you! Gives you calories for your body!"

 _Not many girls would say that._

"I have a high metabolism because of my _super awesome high-powered special_ side."

 _Don't you mean your—_

"SSSHHH…don't say what it is…the mute doesn't know about it…!"

 _Wh—they're not mute! Nothing has come along that can confirm or deny that! …ugh…anyways…stay with us for a while longer, brave stranger, and we can finish this tale of odd families and clashes…_

"…I'm hungry. Hey Neko, want some raw meat?"

 _…_ _uh…I shall pass._

"Aw, c'mon! Raw meat is good for you! The salmonella really builds up your immune system."


	2. Chapter 2

**_This chapter brought to you by:_** **the Awakening Maids services, copyright! Because There's Nothing Like Waking Up To A Negative 45 Degree Blast Of Ice In The Abdomen.**

 **Our special offer: Buy two Awakening Maids now and get your next one (to replace the one that mentioned Hoshidians first) free after thirty days! Any longer and you'll get two free, instead! Because if you're a Nohrian who can withstand the word Hoshidians being used in your home ever other morning, you deserve those extra two! GO YOU!**

* * *

 _Alright. Shall we proceed to the next chapter of your tale, Nyan?_

"I don't know. What do you think, mute? Ya like the tale? …yea, I'd say you do!"

 _They did seem to particularly enjoy the little bits of humor…_

"As they should! My tale is AWESOME! That's how I remember it so well!"

 _…_ _you're going purely off of memory here?_

"YYYES."

 _…_

"…okay I lied I'm actually borrowing the divine records for half of this script."

 _I thought as much._

"But I DEFINITELY have all the details down! Especially the physical features of those sweet, gorgeous people…such beauty…much goregousness…"

 _You're starting to sound like your older sister._

*GAAASP* "AH NO! AM I?! Neko! Quick! Punch me in the chest!"

 _What?_

"JUST DO IT!"

 _I-I have a better idea, let's continue on with your story!_

"BUT MY SUDDEN OBSESSIVENESS, NEKO!"

 _Nyan, listen to me. *Clamps shoulders*. Being boy-crazy is a perfectly normal and natural thing for a teenager-on-the-inside to be. …not quite for the adult you technically are, but definitely normal for your mindset. There is no requirement for me to sock you in the chest. And anyways, I doubt you think of smothering them with your body constantly._

"Yea, that is true…but I don't mind a game of Personal Space Invaders every now and then."

 _Wh—who told you about that game?_

"Leo did! He says I'm really good at it! Even when I feel like I'm not playing it at all! …hey, speaking of my Nohrian brother…"

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

 _"_ _So there we were, a merry band of nine people on our way to the capital of Nohr, where my terrifying—AHEM I MEAN_ wonderful _father awaited. I'm gonna spare the mute of most of the singing and sibling avoidance I did in the carriage, if that's alright with you, Neko."_

 _Please do. Also please stop calling them a mute. I'm sure they're perfectly capable of talking._

 _"_ _Suuure they can…"_

 _…_ _so, when you say 'most of the singing', do you mean—_

" _SEVENTEEN HUNDRED TOMES ON THE WALL, SEVENTEEN HUNDRED TOOOMES…! TAKE SOME DOWN, PASS THEM AROUND, SIXTEEN HUNDRED TOMES ON THE WALL!"_ Elise and Nyan sang/shrieked, swaying in harmony with the carriage as it rolled along.

It was a rather cramped carriage, the gang of royal siblings cooped up within it while Lilith, Jakob, and Gunter hung to it on the outside. Xander was currently very, very envious of the mentioned servants as he glared impatiently at the two singing sisters. Camille was staring out the window, her mind completely missing the racket as it was not focusing on giving extra-special care to anyone. Leo himself was rather enjoying the song.

 _"—_ _ELEVEN HUNDRED TOMES ON THE WALL, ELEVEN HUNDRED TOOOOMES…! TAKE SOME DOWN, PASS THEM AROUND, TEN HUNDRED TOMES HANGING ON THE WALL! TEN HUNDRED TOMES HANGING ON THE WALL, TEN HUNDRED TOMES HANGIIIING…! TAKE SOME DOWN, PASS THEM AROUND, NINE HUNDRED TOMES HANGING ON THE WALL! NINE HUNDRED TOMES HANGING ON THE WALL, NINE HUNDRED TOMES HANGIIIING…! TAKE SOME DOWN, PASS THEM AROUND, NINE HUNDRED TOMES HANGING ON THE—"_

"Nyan, Elise, for the love of all things dark and dreary, _please shut the ever loving duck up,_ " Xander growled, looming over the two.

The two girls were silenced instantly. " _…waaall_ ," Nyan finished in a whisper.

"But singing is so much FUN with you, Senpai Nyan-chan onii-chan sister!" Elise bubbled, looking up at her with her eyes wide and shining. "And now that you're out of that castle, you can be with me forever…!"

"Speaking of honorifics," Leo grumbled, "Nyan, when we get to the castle, you may want to…ah…um…"

"How do I 'ah um'?" Nyan chirped. She gasped, looking frantic. "OH NO! I don't know how to 'ah um'! How do I 'ah um', Leo? Is it necessary to meet the king? Am I gonna get thrown back to that old fortress if I don't do it?! WHAT IS IT?! WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN?!"

Leo stared at her blankly. "…how do you function?"

"I train with this girl. Let me handle this," Xander stage-whispered. He looked Nyan in the eye, who flinched and stared right back. "Nyan," he started, "what Leo meant to say is that you may want to tone down your… _eccentric_ personality a bit when you meet father."

"…"

"…you don't comprehend that don't you."

"I didn't understand a word you said back there. What does 'tone down' mean?"

"Well, Nyan dearest," he grumbled, "all your energy and shouting isn't very proper for meeting the man who brought you into this world and rules about fifty percent of it. Remember that and be respectful of it."

"…" Nyan squinted, trying to make a connection. "…um…"

Leo was about to interject before Xander stopped him. "Give her a minute…"

"…oh! Oooooooooohhh! I get it! I've gotta be nice but not Camilla or Elise levels of nice! Ah! I understand now!"

Leo's features loosened in relief. "Yes, just like that. Can you do that? For the sake of our sanity and his?"

Her face turned serious, lips pursing in a determined frown. "I shall valiantly try and probably not valiantly fail, my brother."

"Great."

"So I'm gonna sing out all my energy before we get there!"

"What OH DUSK," Xander gasped, "PLEASE NOOO _000—"_

"Yaaayyy! Singing with Senpai!" Elise cheered before a shadow crossed her face and she whispered, "Nyan shall sing only while in MY presence and her shriek of a tune shall only every be heard by MY ears…you're MINE senpai…MIIINE!"

Nobody could hear the sound of Elise's mad cackling over Nyan's shrill song or Xander's loud demands pleads for her (and, later, for Leo) to stop.

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

The five siblings stood. They were lined up in front of the throne of a very large and very grand throne room, decorated with shadows behind the pillars and color-tinted flames in the torches.

An old man sat upon the throne. He was built large, with almost olive-colored skin and white hair cut at a rough edge under his crown; he wore regal furs and bits of delicate, golden jewelry. His eyes were as cold and dark as the hall. His name was King Garon, but to any of the five in front of him, he was Father.

Complete silence covered the room.

"..."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…h—"

He finally spoke in a deep, commanding voice. "I see you made here safely, Nyan."

Nyan flinched. "Yes, father. I've wished for a _long_ time to get a chance to visit here…heck, it feels like I'm dreaming right now…nobody wake me up"

He rose an eyebrow but didn't mention the wording. "It is only thanks to your diligence that you are here. I am told you are now a warrior almost on par with Xander. …except they said something about being 'almost comically energetic', and that you swing your sword 'like it's a hollow lance or something', and 'it's really weird how she can actually inflict damage on anything while swinging it like that'. I am a bit concerned by these notes."

Xander had an internal moment of panic. _I knew I should have trained her for being a songstress instead…_

"But, nevertheless, you finally possess the strength to be an instrument of Nohr's power in the world."

"But father-chan, will she be all right outside of the fortress?" Elise perked innocently as her Senpai mussed over the word "instrument". ( _Does that make me a musical thing? Ooo. I wonder if I'm a cello. I love cellos…)_

"…was that the wind just now?" Garon muttered, glancing about.

"Deeefinitly the wind…" Camilla hushed. "But, father…I worry that it might be dangerous for Nyan to live outside the fortress' magical barrier…"

"How considerable of you. I couldn't think of anyone else who would ask that question. Nope. Not a single one of you. What a shame. It would be lovely if I had a daughter who thought those kinds of things over her sister."

Elise fumed.

"Wait, the fortress had a barrier?" Nyan whispered to Leo.

"Yes. It has a very cold aura for a side effect," Leo muttered back.

"…that explains a lot." _So it was never the permanently winter woods…! It was the permanently MAGICALLY winter woods! Whoa! My life is a lie!_

 _("And this was not the first time I'd find my life to be a lie!"_

 _Please stop foreshadowing. It isn't good for you._

 _"_ _That's what you say about raw meat, and I'm healthy as a horse! …that eats raw meat every day!")_

"Nyan," Garon stated, turning back to his barefoot daughter, "as you know, Nohr is at war with the eastern kingdom of Hoshido."

"Yea, yea, everybody knows tha— _I mean_ ," Nyan hissed, straightening up even more tightly as her siblings cast her warning looks, "yes, father. I have heard as much."

"We of the royal family are descendants of the ancient gods, the First Dragons. As inheritors of that divine strength, we _blah blah blah_ …"

 _Wow,_ Nyan thought to herself, _his voice is really droning and boring…I've never met anyone who could talk this long and this flatly. …did he say 'dragons'? Yea, I think he did…whoa, it would be awesome to have a dragon for a father…it would be better than this guy, anyway._

 _"…_ _blah blah blah blah blah blah war blah…"_

 _...I'm hungry,_ she grumbled to herself. W _here do they keep the raw meat in this place? The servants always stored it in the deepest and most secluded parts of the fortress…probably so they could give me a workout so I wouldn't get too fat on raw meat! And MAN were those intense workout sessions!_

"… _blah blah something something_ I expect no less from you."

Nyan came back to attention after a few seconds of silence. _Oh! He stopped talking! Yay! …wait why is he looking at me—OH SHOOT he wants me to respond, he was saying something IMPORTANT now what do I say back, what do I say, crud I can't hold back I gotta scream 'hi' at him I gotta be friendly RESTRICTIVES FAILING ALERT ALERT ALERT HIGH ENERGY LEAKAGE DETECTED—_

"She is very aware of your expectations, king Garon, and has trained every day to become like her siblings," a familiar voice spoke up.

Nyan glanced behind her to see the servants standing there. They were bowed on one knee, but Jakob had done everyone a favor and spoken up.

Nyan threw a wide, toothy smile to him. He shot a humble one right back. _ENERGY BREACH CONTAINED…oh thank heavens I have Jakob! I love that guy! …he's not super cute, though._

"Hmm…" Garon hummed, making Nyan snap back to him. "You show promise. But you will need a suitable weapon in order to serve Nohr."

…

…

"…was…was that a cue for me to come up there, father, sir…?"

"Yes."

"Oh—! Alright, I, uh—okay I'm coming." Nyan speed-walked up the steps to the throne and, after an awkward few moments of realizing her father was the one who gave Xander his height issue and feeling everyone's pleading gazes on her back, went to one knee. "…I'm not sure if this is appropriate to mention, father, but I don't see why you couldn't have just walked down here and presented me with the sword."

"Silence, you insolent little princess."

She flinched. _…hey! Look at that! Not a day outside the fortress and I've already found someone new that hates logic that also happens to be related to me! What are the odds? …I really hate Nohr._

Garon pulled a dark sword from a space near his throne. A cloud of purple, dark magic rested around it. "This," he introduced, "is Ganglari, a sword infused with magic from another world."

"Hello, Ganglari," Nyan greeted, raising one hand and giving it a tiny wave."

"…with this sword at your side, you will crush the Hoshidian army with ease."

"Whoooaaa…" Nyan awed, letting the sword be placed into her hands. "…I am getting a CRAZY bad vibe from this thing."

"That would be the souls of the five hundred kittens we slayed to make this blade."

"… _OH_ …oh, wow. Uuuh, _thank you_ , dear father, for this generous gift," Nyan said slowly, bowing awkwardly before starting back down the steps, "I think I'm just going to join by siblings at the foot of your throne now, alongside this Kitten Apocalypse sword, if you don't mind.

"Generous indeed…generous in a bad way…" Xander mumbled to himself. "A Camilla kind of generous…that is, far too much of a good thing…enough of a good thing to kill…"

"Now, let us see you put that sword to its proper use…" Garon hummed, an evil glint in his stoic eyes.

"Wait what—"

"Guards!" he called. "Bring out the prisoners!"

"Yes, sire!" two guards barked back, stepping aside so two people could be pulled through the entrance.

"Wait, WHAT?" Nyan repeated, taken aback by the sight she was met with as she turned around. "This is an execution?! Nohr has those?! What?!"

Two strangers, their arms held down by Nohrian soldiers, had been brought in. To be quick to summarize it, nobody was happy about the scenario, up to and including Nyan.

One was a very well-toned woman, her skin graced with a dark tan and an almost feral light in her eyes. She was dressed in native's clothes, a red headdress and animal skull over her white-haired head. A metal club was tied to her side.

The other was a lean, broad-shouldered man in ninja's clothes. His green hair was kept out of his eyes by a tight headband, and he appeared collected even in the face of probable death. The edges of blades hid in his folded clothes.

 _Yup, not killing these people,_ Nyan immediately thought to herself. _They're too pretty…especially that ninja guy there…_

"These are prisoners—"

 _He really is quite the looker…_

"—from our most recent skirmish—"

 _I wonder if he has a girlfriend back home._

"—with Hoshido. I want to see—"

 _I really hope he doesn't…_

"—your power—"

 _Because I kind of want him all to myself—wait I'm sounding like Elise—_

"—with my own eyes. Use—"

 _Oh hey, he hasn't stopped talking…!_

"—that sword—"

 _Oh, I'm gonna have to kill them, aren't I. …NNNOOOOOPE!_

"—to strike them down."

 _PLEASE NO…! AUGH! …I miss the fortress in the perpetually-magically-winter woods._

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

Nyan had been staring at the prisoners for at least three minutes straight now. The royal siblings watched from a short distance away, Lilith nervously biting a nail while amongst them. Gunter and Jakob stared at Nyan.

"…WELL! …is she going to ever start…?" Gunter wondered, leaning in to Jakob.

"Knowing her, and that her mind works like a slightly beauty-crazed teenage girl's…" Jakob mumbled, calculating the odds of the scenario, "…she won't be moving anytime soon."

"Do we need to give her a PUSH down this slope?!"

"No, let's come to her side and help her off the cliff, instead."

"AGREED. OPERATION CLIFF-THROW START."

"Don't let the king hear you, he'll take it the wrong way…!"

Gunter cleared his throat, bringing Nyan's attention. "I shall join you, milady!" he spoke—a bit louder than normal, as if to snap her attention out of internally nope-ing. "My lance arm is perhaps rusty but still MORE SERVICEABLE THAN YOURS! And JAKOB! Will you JOIN US AS WELL?"

He rolled his hands awkwardly to the butler, who bowed to his lady. "Naturally. I couldn't allow someone of your advanced years to bear the burden alone."

"SHUT your GIRLY ARSE UP, Jakob!"

"Lady Nyan, there is no need for you to soil your hands with this filth," he continued, walking up to her and taking her hand. "Please relax and leave the fighting to us. Afterward, I will prepare you some tea."

"Thanks, Jakob, I could really use some right now…" she groaned. "I mean…to be honest…I don't wanna kill them!"

"We noticed."

"They look so nice!"

"Lady Nyan, with all due respect, one of them is attempting to burn you with their eyes."

" _So nice,_ Jakob! I mean, what kind of flavorful and awesome personalities could they be hiding under all that budding hate for their scenario?!" She pointed to the woman, almost accusingly. "YOU THERE! Woman of Very Firey Eyes! What's your name?!"

"I am Rinkah!" she barked. "Daughter of the Flame Tribe's honorable chieftain."

"See? Now we've got like a princess-to-princess thing going on here! You're a chieftain's daughter, I'm the daughter of that guy back there—"

Garon glared flatly at the scene.

"—who is a king and so technically we're both ladies of royalty! Between us we could work something out! We're POLITICAL and stuff!"

"I hate you and every member of your entire bloodline," Rinkah deadpanned, resuming eye-scorching.

"Honestly can't say the same!" Nyan responded. "And you! Hot ninja fellow!"

"What?"

"I meant ninja fellow!"

"You should go first," he mentioned.

"Huh? Why?"

"Well, Rinkah already went, might as well switch turns with your side if we're getting…friendly."

"Oh. You're too kind. I'm Nyan! Princess of Nohr and whatever!" she introduced, posing geekily. "And before you ask, YES, I AM single!"

"What?"

"I MEANT that I AM always this friendly!

"Nyan…can it be?" he whispered, staring at her more closely.

She smiled derpily in response. "…I'm sorry have we met? Are we related? Please tell me we're not related."

"…I am Kaze, a ninja of Hoshido," he stated.

"Oh, a ninja," Jakob noted idly.

"What about them?" Nyan perked, glancing to him.

"Hoshido is known for its ninjas," he shrugged simply. "In their own words, 'We have a duck ton of ninjas'."

"…when have you ever gotten a chance to talk with Hoshidia—I MEAN anyone from Hoshido?" Nyan quickly corrected, noting Gunter's sudden attention.

"…I enjoy a few good adventures on my weekends, my lady," Jakob said quietly.

"Nyan," Garon deadpanned.

"Yea, father?"

"Kill them all."

"…but…I don't want to," she mumbled, frowning sourly.

"I want to," Rinkah mentioned.

Kaze shouldered her. She glared solemnly back.

"WE don't HAVE TO!" Gunter butted in between the pair.

"SSSHHHssshhhshush shh!" Jakob hushed, pulling him into a makeshift huddle.

"I CANNOT SHUSH, YOU GIRLY MAN!" Gunter barked.

"I can tell as much," Jakob grumbled. "And if that is so, we'll need another plan to find a way to respect Lady Nyan's wishes…"

"WAIT," Nyan gasped.

"Hm? Is something the matter, milady?"

"…THE GROUND IS EMANATING TO ME," she declared, suddenly crouching to the ground and pressing her head to it.

"…excuse me?"

"Imma need five seconds and a quick sprint to that tile over there and then we can make a plan!" Nyan stated, jumping up and jogging in place. "THREE TWO ONE HERE I GO!"

"Lady Nyan, what in Nohr are you talking—!"

Nyan pounced on a unique-looking tile on the floor. A familiar, piano-like chime echoed through the area as a pile of debris disappeared into the ground.

"TA-DAAAA! Look, dad! I've got DRAGON BLOOD!" Nyan declared, dancing a bit on the spot.

"Extraordinary! And slightly disturbing!" Jakob gasped. "No debris field can stand up to your mighty lineage! …except perhaps one made by a Fairy or Ice type."

"Heh…well done," Garon chuckled. To whom? Jakob and his wit or Nyan and her bloodline? We may never know…we may never know.

"Hey dad? Why do you have such a massive wall of debris in your fancy castle, anyway?" Nyan chirped.

"Stop wasting time and kill the prisoners already."

"Yes daddy," Nyan sighed with a frown. "Anyway HEY YO GUNTER JAKOB OVER HERE MA BOYS!"

"I REFUSE TO BE CALLED ONE OF YOUR 'BOYS'!" Gunter barked.

"I don't mind…" Jakob muttered behind him.

Gunter twisted on him. "WHAT WAS THAT."

"I said I do mind, sir! But the lady shall have her own way!" he yelped.

Nyan looked betrayed for the few moments before he shot a smile her way. Then she just looked happy. _Ha! I love Jakob. Such a nice and polite and more-royal-than-me guy. …I should give him a raise._

The pair of men joined her. "Now REMAIN FOCUSED, MILADY!" Gunter barked, taking Nyan by the shoulders and shaking her. "THIS IS NO MOCK BATTLE! A MISTAKE HERE COULD COST YOU _YOUR LIFE._ "

"Y-Y-Yes Gunt-t-ter," Nyan stuttered. "I-I-I understand perfe-e-ectly! Please put me do-o-own Gunter please."

"VERY WELL!" he shouted, dropping her. "Now, I CHAAAAARRRGE!"

And without any formal sort of run at all, the man went right for Kaze.

"What NO GUNTER NO YOU'LL KILL THEM! HAVE MERCY!" Nyan cried after him. "THEY'RE JUST _HOSHIDIANS_!"

Gunter was silent for a long moment.

"My Lady Nyan…what have you done," Jakob stated.

"Did you just say they were HOSHIDIANS?!" Gunter roared.

Rinkah and Kaze watched as the man charged at them.

"…you've got this?" Rinkah huffed.

"A ninja's shuriken may not cut deep, but it can sap you of your strength. His death need not come all at once," Kaze chuckled. "I'll handle it fine, Rinkah."

He did not handle it fine.

He took a lance straight to the gut, then to the head, and then at the calves; this sent him crouching, bowing, and then twisting in midair in that order. He slammed onto the ground limply.

"I regret…a small number of things…"

"Yea, thought so," Rinkah muttered.

"I WILL KILL YOU AND ALL OF YOUR KIIIIND—"

"He's defeated, Gunter," Jakob stated.

"Oh? Well then." The man suddenly went very docile, coughing casually and moving his weapon back to his side.

"…Jakob? Are you magic?" Nyan awed, clasping her hands and staring at him in amazement.

"Yes, actually," Jakob nodded. "Want to see how?"

"Yea!"

"Well, I notice that those five hundred kitten's souls have been biting at your hands," he stated, pointing to where the dark mist of Ganglari's blade was seemingly pawing at her fingers.

"Yea, and it's starting to get a bit painful," she admitted.

Somewhere on the sidelines, Camilla's 'extra-special care' senses were tingling.

"Then allow me to help," Jakob quipped, pulling out a healing staff. He tapped it against Nyan's wrists, and suddenly the scratches were gone.

"Wow!"

"I can also do THIS!" Jakob declared, throwing a shuriken at Rinkah, who had gotten tired of trying to attack with her eyes and had begun to charge Nyan.

"OW. _WHAT GIVES?!_ " she screeched, tripping as it slashed into her heel.

" _Wow!_ " Nyan awed louder. "Jakob, you ARE magic!"

"No," he laughed. "I am simply one hell of a—"

"MY TURN!" Nyan declared, practically throwing herself at Rinkah. "HaaaAAAA whoa this sword is heavy—"

CRACK!

"My skull!" Rinkah growled in response to the shattering of the skull on her headdress, which had taken one for the team and wound up cracked down the middle thanks to Ganglari's blade. "You…get ready to behold the might of the Flame Tribe!"

"…wait, does that mean they set wildfires everywhere?"

"I am going to enjoy killing you."

"What HRDSHRKSH WHOA," Nyan yelped, barely jumping back in time to miss the vicious woman's club. "HEY! What did I say about being diplomatic about this?!"

"I AM being diplomatic!" Rinkah shouted, swinging at her and forcing her to block.

"How is this diplomatic?!"

"Do your politics not pit chieftan's daughter against chieftan's daughter?!" Rinkah asked.

"No, why would we do that?!"

"For the enjoyment of the crowds, of course!"

"…what kind of sick tribe do you live in?!"

"Sicker than your's, Nohrian scum!"

"But we're not a tribe! We're a kingdom!" she squeaked.

Nyan lashed out with her bare feet and hit the wound left by Jakob in _just the right way_ so that the warrior woman fell forwards. She then twisted around and whacked the flat of the blade against her opponent's skull (her actual one, this time).

"GOTCHA!" Nyan declared, stabbing Ganglari into the ground and leaning on it confidently. "But dang, you fight hard. I think you snapped a rib with that last blow there."

"And you fight like a dancer that got hold of a large log," Rinkah said through a mouthful of floor, "and can't wield it right because of a lack of upper body strength. You Nohrian scum…"

"Aw, c'mon, Rinkah!" Nyan sighed. "Don't you have anything nice to say about this entire situation?"

"No."

"Anything?"

"No."

" _Aaanythiiing?_ "

RInkah groaned in loud complaint. Her eyes locked onto the only other thing at her level and she finally stated, "you have nice feet."

"Thank you! You have NO IDEA how much effort you need to put into your feet when you never wear shoes," Nyan chirped. "For that little quip, I'll get off your tail."

"Thank the friggin' gods."

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

"So this is how it ends," Kaze sighed.

The two Hoshidians had been rounded up and forced to kneel at the foot of Garon's throne. Nyan rocked back and forth on her feet in front of them, feeling simultaneously awkward and terrible, while Xander, Leo, Camilla, and Elise stood at the back, watching the scene.

"…WELP! It's, uh, been a pleasure, you guys," Nyan started, smiling awkwardly and scratching the back of her head. "Uh…you're real strong. I mean if that's like any consultation—is it? It's not, isn't it. It just sounds mocking, I guess. …I need to get better with talking to my defeated enemies."

"Don't just stand there, idiot girl," Garon grumbled from his spot. "Finish them!"

"…nnnnnn—"

"Oh dragons what is she doing," Leo deadpanned.

"—nnnnn—"

"Please say Nyan, please say Nyan, please say Nyan, I can't lose the only one who ever looked at me in the eyes ever…!" Elise whimpered.

"—nnnnope!"

"And there goes fourteen years of training," Xander muttered.

"You've been training her since she was four?" Leo asked.

"Yes."

"…in what?"

"Sword fighting, of course. What half-decent noble doesn't know sword fighting at age four?"

"…hey Xander, you ever wonder what it's like for other, non-war-oriented countries with nobles?"

"I don't dare to."

"You dare question me?!" Garon hollered at Nyan as she twisted around to face him. "I order you to kill them!"

"NEVAR!" Nyan hissed. "They're too pretty to die!"

Kaze and Rinkah stared blankly. "Did she…?"

"Also I'm too emotionally attached to Rinkah to kill her! She's my buddy naow!"

Rinkah's head sunk from more than just physical wounds. "I'm going to kill that girl…"

"Enough of this nonsense! Kill them, now!" Garon barked.

"You know what?" Nyan started. "You know what?!"

Three of the other royal siblings were sending frantic, silent warning signals to their sister from the sidelines, none of which she caught. …she might have caught them if all four were practically screaming tips to keep her alive, but Camilla had taken to staring out the window in absolute boredom.

"I don't get any of this! Why are we killing hapless prisoners for no point?! You _know_ I'm a good-ish fighter, sure I have a habit of treating enemies to my feet but I think I kind of deserve that privilege, I have some fine feet! But, like, even logic-wise!" she groaned. "Wouldn't keeping prisoners around to torture more be any entertaining for you?! Especially since they're Hoshidians and stuff?"

Jakob had to physically restrain Gunter at the sidelines.

"We don't have to kill them! It's mean and pointless for a thousand reasons!"

Garon stared at them, all sorts of angry.

"…you know what I mean?"

He began charging a magic blast in his hand.

"Yea, I think you know what I mean. See? No killing needed! It's nasty and messy, anyway. …hey what's that in your hand? It's real pretty-looking."

He held up his hand, ready to fire.

"Ooo, wait! I know! I know this game! Leo and I played it a lot. I gotta hit the magic back, right? And if I hit your body then I'm disqualified?"

The blast of Ragnarok was fired.

"Wow, you throw fast! Okay here I go!"

Nyan jumped at the blast and swung down Ganglari, smacking it right into the blaze of magic and sending it off in a different direction.

"WHOO! I did it!"

Silence cloaked the room as Nyan stood in the center, smiling derpily. "…I think I accidentally hit one of your tapestries, father. It's smoldering behind you now. Is that okay?"

"SENPAI ONII-CHAN NYAN-CHAN!" Elise shrieked.

"Unbelievable…she mistook our father's most powerful attack for one of your improv-baseball games…" Xander gaped.

"She usually lost those games," Leo stated. "…what? Do you want me to recount the casualties my closet suffered from all the times she hit my collar?"

"You would defy me DIRECTLY, Nyan?!" Garon roared.

"Father!" Xander said, stepping in. "Father, please forgive her! She doesn't yet understand our situation or what other purposes a thrown blast of magic could be for!"

"Fine," he huffed. "Xander, you kill them. And if anyone gets in your way, kill them too."

"Ngh."

"DO IT!" he ordered. "KILL THEM ALL!"

Slowly, Xander turned to the blissfully unaware Nyan and very much aware prisoners. He sighed deeply. "Stand down, Nyan."

"What does 'stand down' mean?"

"It means get out of my way."

"Why?"

"So I can kill the prisoners," he explained.

Nyan frowned. "But…I thought I already explained why!"

"No self-respecting Nohrian goes with logic, Nyan."

"Well no self-respecting bigger brother tries to kill his sister's friends!" Nyan barked.

"You've known those two for literally ten minutes, Nyan."

"I DON'T CARE THEY MY FRIENDS _FIGHT ME FOR THEM, BRO!"_

Their swords clashed. Xander curiously noted the paw prints that appeared on his blade.

"Why do you refuse, Nyan? You know the Hoshidians are our sworn enemies," Xander grumbled.

"Cause maybe the Nohrian ability to not accept logic never settled on me!" she explained. "Also because they're very pretty people and should GRACE THIS WORLD WITH THEIR BEAUTY!"

"How do I feel about _that_ compliment coming from _that_ person of _this_ country…?" Kaze wondered to herself in the background.

"Please, Nyan, don't fight him…my dear, sweet Nyan…such a sweet, dear girl…" Camilla moaned, going on a tangent to herself.

"Oh nonononononoNONONONO! This isn't right! Leo, what should we do?!" Elise yelped.

"…"

"…Leo!?" Elise shouted, getting in front of him and waving at him frantically.

"…"

"…LEO NOTICE M—!"

"Why does this fall to me?" Leo muttered to himself, casually walking right past Elise. Elise fell to her knees and yelled to the ceiling in agony.

Leo continued to walk right on by, passing the two siblings in their sword-clash, up to the ever-patient prisoners.

"And what the heck can we help _you_ with— Rinkah started shortly before she was attacked with a book to the back of the head. Kaze met a similar fate.

"Father!" Leo declared. "I have dispatched our enemies on behalf of my softhearted, unfashionable sister.

"Hmph," Garon grumped.

"I only ask that you would be—"

"You know what? _You know what_?" Garon started, dangerously quiet. "I'm done. I came out here hoping to see the death of some pesky Hoshidians today, but all I got was an overly long speech on logic and evidence that my youngest daughter is a naïve, un-Nohrian twerp. I'll see you all later, after a very long session of Dragon Mozart. I will consider this matter later."

And with that, the king left, leaving a very bewildered set of royal children behind.

"…hey! I'M the youngest daughter!" Elise roared.

"LEO!" Nyan eventually cried.

"Nyan," Leo said right back.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED THEM!"

"…are you perhaps—?"

"THEY WERE ALL BEATEN UP AND EVERYTHING!"

"Can it be possible—?"

"AND THEY WERE SUCH NICE AND NICE-LOOKING PEOPLE, TOO!" Nyan groaned. "I can't believe you. I'm never playing knock-the-blast-of-dangerous-magic-back with you again. And anyway, father's way more fun to play with."

"…agreed. Now hush."

"LEOOO—"

Suddenly, Camilla appeared. "Quiet now, my dear, sweet, lovable little Nyan…"

"Oh no not the CHEST—!"

"Guard!" Xander called over the sibling fondling behind him. "I would like to examine the prisoner's belongings. Bring their remains to my quarters."

"Yes, your highness!" an idle guard answered, splitting from his heated discussion with the other guard over their cups of Nohrian-brewed coffee. Because nothing tastes more like Nohr in the morning more than Nohrian soil boiled in water with about a quart of sugar added in, copyright.

Nyan finally got away from Camilla, the older girl still calling odd complements after her. She ended up stumbling and falling backwards onto the ground, ending up with Leo crouching over her.

"Nyan," he started, "are you aware that I only hit them over the head with a book spine?"

"Nope," she stated.

…

"…well, I only hit them over the head with a book spine."

*GAAASP* "OH MY GOSH YOU DID?!"

"Yes," Leo answered, shrugging. "I don't know how you missed that, but that's what I did."

"Weeell I kind of got distracted by the way the kitten souls started messing with Xander's blade," Nyan admitted, pointing to the brother in particular as he inspected his sword. "But Leo, I…you…! I OWE YOU SO MUCH."

"I hope this washes out…" Xander grumbled, glaring at the little footprints all over his otherwise very nice-looking sword.

"For the record, I would have killed them," Leo shrugged. "But you make the biggest fuss over unnecessary and unjustified death…it's ridiculous."

"NYAN YOU LIIIIIVED!" Elise laughed, tackling her sister while she was still down.

"HAHAHA I SURE DID!" Nyan laughed with her, quickly sliding the young girl to her side where she could both satisfy her and talk with her brother. "Well…thanks for that and stuff, Leo."

"No problem."

"I love you very much."

"Had doubts, but not an issue."

"I'll never bring up your overly gothic and ridiculous collar again."

"…nooo problem," Leo grumped, stomping off to his own quarters.

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

About six hours and two doses of a substitution for the Awakening Maids services (read: cramming ice deep into Kaze and Rinkah's sides) later, a pair of Hoshidian warriors were sneaked outside into the snow.

"Listen well," Xander stated, sending a cold look to the two. "It is only my sister's kind heart and logical reasoning that has bought your freedom. Disappear now, lest you be spotted by our king."

Kaze said nothing for a moment. Then he folded his arms over his chest and twisted once on his feet, vanishing into thin air.

"Wh—I didn't mean it literally!"

"He does that," Rinkah shrugged.

"You Hoshidians and your ninjas…"

Nyan popped up from behind her brother's back. "Byyyeee, Rinkaaah!"

"Goodbye, you short piece of Nohrian scum."

"Maybe we can meet up again sometime? Cup of coffee? Rematch? Maybe one of those chieftan-on-chieftan matches you mentioned?" Nyan offered, smiling cheerily.

"Those matches are for actual chief daughters only, not princesses, and always end in death on at least one side of the field," she stated.

"…cup of coffee, then?"

"You do understand that they'll be off to Hoshido, right?" Xander muttered. "You will never see them again."

"Aw man, that sucks," Nyan huffed. "I was looking forward to seeing them again. Especially that hot Kaze guy."

"What?"

"I mean that Kaze guy."

"Tch," Rinkah chuffed, crossing her arms and turning around. "You said your name was Nyan?"

"Yea!"

"When next we meet, I will make you pay for this humiliation!"

"Eh, I kind of deserve it for breaking at least one of your bones. I'll let you dump your coffee on me!" Nyan offered.

"Softhearted fool! I am a Hoshidian warrior. You do not understand what you suggest."

"What do you mean? Are you guys like really good at throwing coffee or something?"

"Oh my freaking—I'm leaving now," Rinkah announced, jogging in the direction of the mountains.

"Alright! See ya!" Nyan waved.

The pair of siblings stood there for a while longer, looking out into the nighttime snow.

"…WELL!" Nyan declared. "Today was eventful!"

"Yes, indeed. And remember when I told you not to blow your first impression on our father?"

"Yea, why?"

"Well, you did. You'll probably be dead tomorrow," Xander stated, walking away.

Nyan spent a moment to stand at the door and process this information. "…this sucks," she stated. "My two new friends slash very good acquaintances had to leave because of stupid wars, my father isn't half as cool as I was hoping he'd be, and now I'm cold because it turns out perpetual winter is just all of Nohr's general weather."

She sighed, her breath clouding like dragon flame. She cast a long look at Rinkah's footprints in the snow.

 _So those are Hoshidians, huh…_

Eventually, she turned around and headed back inside.

 _I wonder what their nobles look like. …I bet they'd look cute._

* * *

 ** _N_**

* * *

 _…_ _I can't help but reflect on what that Rinkah said back there. You really do fight like a dancer that got hold of a sword._

"Hey, twirling my weapon around is just my style! And anyway, it lets more of the pointy part hit the enemy. Tactical advantage!"

 _Alright then…I also counted more dabbling in other realms this time around…what is that all about?_

"I'm pretty sure the dragon veins weaken the barrier between worlds after they're used. …wait wait wait WAIT! Jakob actually told me about this! He says they weaken the fourth wall!"

 _The fourth wall?_

"Yea!"

 _What fourth wall? The fourth wall in a building, perhaps?_

"Maybe the fourth wall OF THE UNIVERSE!"

 _Something tells me the universe isn't just one room with four walls._

"What would say that?"

 _The view of the universe from where I sit._

"Oh…yea, that's a pretty reliable source right there."

 _Perhaps our friend here knows…_

"Not that they'd be able to tell us. Because they're mute. That sucks on so many levels."

 _*Sigh*…you have a thick skull._

"Huh? Where? That's weird, I don't remember accepting any headdresses from Rinkah…they do have a pretty tactical advantage as a helmet, though…"


End file.
